You Too Can Win

You Too Can Win

I have decided not to write anything critical in my blog which draws people to think and act as it might create panic. However, I am compelled to write a blog at this point of time as it is 2:30 AM IST.

I stay in hostel and my roomies are not staying here for quite sometime. The project that I am working on is also very chilled out. It leaves me ample time that I can spend on myself. So I was trying to figure out how to realize my dream of becoming rich and famous in shortest possible time. One night I fell asleep, thinking about this. A light appeared in my dream which started talking to me and assured me that I will be rich and famous. The light told me to follow the 10 principles that it was about to tell me in my dream. They are given below

1. Indulge yourself in Vandalism every now and then especially when there is a crisis situation going on in the country. Easy way out is to find the person who looks weaker than you and start bashing him in public. You can also assemble some street side people and pay them to throw stones at each other.

2. Hire an archaeological consultant, identify a structure that stands on something which existed 1 million years ago and destroy it with the help of local people in presence of media. Kill those whoever tries to confront you. If something goes wrong (read Right) approach the court……kyu ke kanoon ke haath lambe hote hai aur kanoon ke phande se sirf gareeb aadmi nahi bach sakta

3. Make sure that your role models are L.K.Advani, Narendra Modi, Raj Thackeray & Pramod Muthalik in order to be an effective speaker. The reason being, the illiterate and semi literate population of India do not bother about facts but are heavily influenced by a serious oratory.

4. Befriend A.Raja, Sharad Pawar, Mayawati & Laloo Yadav for the only reason that you have to be resourceful (corrupt) to be successful in India. Each one of them have the ability to come up with some innovative ideas, conceptualize and implement them under the restricted constitutional environment of India. Someone told me that Harvard Business School wants to have these people as their visiting faculty

5. Ensure that you are born in the family who have some kind of reservation. The chances that you will get to know whether your would be family belongs to reserved class I almost zero. So, be prepared to make one for yourself….you may have to spend some money. Believe me, its worth a deal…you never know you may end up in some IIT or IIM.

6. Start taking cricketing lessons even before you are born though I don’t know how. It will ensure money, fame and hot girl friend. If you treat Pakistani Cricketers as your friend (Mr.Anil Sharma and Sunny Paa ji might not like this idea) then your bank balance will sky rocket. After all, Pakistanis make money because of our people. Don’t you dare to opt for our national sports…Hockey. You will be punished by making you kneel down in front of Mr.Karunanidhi.

7. By any chance if you are a graduate and living in some urban city then start championing the divine cause of pre marital sex, rave parties, animal rights, candle march for murder of high society men & women etc. DO NOT..I repeat DO NOT bother about anything else and take a diplomatic stand on whatever things happens around you. If you do not follow this advice, you will be haunted by the men/women for whom you have led the candle march.

8. You should attend a crash course on management from the premier management gurus of India Mr.Lalit Modi, Mr.Suresh Kalmadi. Its not easy to get into their schools since you have to crack the Common Admission Test, followed by series of interviews. If you do not want to take that much effort, you can enrol yourself with Circle Inspector in your area, A Clerk in the Municipal Corporation, RTO Agent, Traffic Police Constable, Mandal Revenue Officer etc. They are equally capable as Lalit and Suresh but not everyone gets lucky.

9. If you want to be sab se tez in this country, ensure that your activities are captured by right TV channels in the prime time. If you have any family disputes come out in public and settle the score. Prepare yourself for reality shows as this is the vehicle of aam admi for some fame and money. You should be able to cry, lie that your mother/father/grand mother/grand father is not well, able to take up fight with other participants, have an affair with co participant etc as and when required.

Among all shows, quiz shows are of utmost importance where you get to do Sach ka Saamna. It is highly advisable to have media advisor for your family just like a family doctor.

10. Don’t Know

Before the light could tell me the 10^th principle, it started fading but in the Indian Movie style (like the hero who has been shot point blanc but takes his time to bid adieu to everyone around) the light told me that…it couldn’t tell me the 10^th principle but gave its final message…..

itni shiddat se maine tujhko ye usool batane ki koshish ki hai ke har zarre ne mujhe bhujaane ki saazish kee hai….

Magar main aaj buj gaya to kya hua, main wapas aungaa….

kyu ke….kyu ke….abhi picture baakhi hai mere dost!!